This Is What Anxiety Feels Like

I remember one day when I had to across town to run an errand, and while I was driving on the freeway I began to feel like I was going too fast and would probably lose control of the car. If that didn’t happen someone would crash into me and kill me, or probably a tire would blow, maybe a wheel would fall off; it didn’t matter what highly unlikely event would enfold, the fact was that I would not get off the freeway alive.

If this rationale sounds somewhat silly to you don’t worry, it sounds silly to me too. But this is the type of skewed thinking and reasoning that comes with anxiety; a relentless fear that no matter what something horrible is definitely going to happen. When my anxiety was at its worst I was convinced that I was terminally ill. I went to the emergency room seven times in a week, and doctors could not find anything wrong with me. I remember one day an ER doctor said to me: “Son, I’ve been doing this for forty years, I can guarantee you that all you have is anxiety.” He discharged me and sent me home with an Ativan prescription.

I remember thinking on the way home that this was my last day on Earth. I had warned everyone that I wasn’t feeling well and something was seriously wrong , but no one believed me, not even the doctors. Now there was nothing else to do but die. I got home, wrote a goodbye letter to my parents, pinned it on the fridge and laid in bed, knowing I would fall asleep and never wake up again.

Anxiety tortures you in the most maniacal of ways and creates images, horrible images in your head that aren’t there. It is constant torture that you would do anything to escape. If you suffer from severe anxiety, I beg you, please seek help. No one deserves to constantly live with that torment.

I know, because I was one of them.

 

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